i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
