just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
