i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize