The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
