This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
