____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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