I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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