I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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