Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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