you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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