I'm so fucking centered right now
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
