the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
