Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
