i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize