Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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