we have pet lesbian snakes
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize