dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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