Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
