you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
