The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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