At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize