dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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