I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
