My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
