My room smells like vodka and shame
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize