omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
