We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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