I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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