You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
