He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
