Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
