Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
