oh god the rape fog is back!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
