I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
did i just pee glitter
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize