Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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