I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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