Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
