It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
