STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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