I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
