dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
