woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
