i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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