He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
