moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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