I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
