last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
