Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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