I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
