Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
