I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
