I faked an abortion last night.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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