I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
