OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
