lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
