ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
