I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
