dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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