I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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