So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I party with great urgency now.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
