i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
