Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think my moral compass just broke
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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