Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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