smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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