All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize