explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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