he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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