I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
