we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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