Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
