Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
