Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
