did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
