I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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