I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No subtext here. People are naked.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
