Say something about gay babies.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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