i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
