Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
