Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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