So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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