Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
