There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize