Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
my liver is dry heaving
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
