How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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