Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
