I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
