John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
