I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The best revenge is premature balding
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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