To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
