I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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