I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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