no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
