Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
