I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
