Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
