worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
