I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
