cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
