she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
