Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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