just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
