Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
tell me about the eggs
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
