I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
