it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
