WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
