And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
