It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
